Autonomous Education: Home Education and Socialisation

It's a common concern of non-home educators and new home educators. It's one I've written about before. How social is a home educated child's life?

Well, given that some children are more sociable than others, that some people live in larger communities than others, that some children have a greater number of interests than others, that some parents are more social than others, that some local communities are more social than others, that some regions and years are more temperate than others, that some children have more siblings than others, that some children are older than others, that some children are more bookish or physical than others, that some areas are safer than others, that some community organisations are more supportive of home education than others... hmm, you can see the problem can't you? It's a bit like asking the unanswerable "How long is a piece of string?"

Then there's the issue of transference...

How many people questioning the social lives of home educated children have socialisation issues of their own? Are they invested in promoting a particular approach to socialisation, perhaps consciously, perhaps sub-consciously? Do the questioners have an ego-invested identity that requires a particular style of child socialisation to occur to justify their professional role and/or source of income? Were the questioners poorly socialised during their own childhood? How well informed are the questioners on the psychology of childhood development (and the inconclusiveness of much of the research)? Are the questioners open to hearing and exploring opinions and evidence contrary to their beliefs?

I'll stop there.

There are so many issues, personal to an individual, that influence their understanding and experience of the world - not least of which is one's own, perhaps largely unquestioned, childhood experiences. Consequently, when someone questions the socialisation of my home educated daughter, I wonder...

• what sort of child were they?
• what sort of upbringing did they have?
• do they have children of their own?
• how deeply they know those children (hint: if the child regularly lies to them, frequently doesn't want to spend time with them or hasn't recently talked about their passions with them, then their knowledge of the child is superficial)
• how do they treat their own children's needs for appropriate socialisation?
• how do they self-justify the choices they make in relation to those children?
• have they socialised with more than a handful of home educating families?
• and, most importantly, what do they already believe about the socialisation of home educated children?

"We need and want a variety of relationships throughout our life. Although this primary need is biologically determined by genes that promote survival of the species, the precise nature of the relationships we seek is heavily influenced by our previous experience. For example, attachment research has conclusively demonstrated the effect of a parent's attitude to attachment on the infant's subsequent behaviour with him or her (Fonagy et al, 1991), and a child's secure or insecure experience in infancy is highly predictive of the quality of later relationships with people other than the parents (Sroufe, 1983).

So in new situations we have expectations that are partly determined by our realistic perceptions, thoughts and feelings about the present, and partly by associated experiences we have had in the past (Hughes, 1999). Most people can usually evaluate the expectation against the reality of the present and adjust expectations accordingly. However, in some circumstances, such as when we are highly anxious, this appears to be more difficult, and we may cling defensively to our preconceptions. In addition, some people have habitual difficulty in adjusting their inner world to match their perceptions in the present. This is characteristic of some more rigid kinds of personality, including people with borderline personality features, where the person often has difficulty in distinguishing what is expected from the internal model and what is perceived in the external world (Kernberg, 1994).

We tend to see what we expect to see (Abercrombie, 1989). Not only that, but we may behave towards other people as though they are the people we expect them to be. In the process, we give subtle non-explicit messages about what part they are playing, and the other people are covertly invited to adopt the role or behaviour that is expected (Sandler, 1976; Ryle, 1998). We project an existing mental model on to the present, and may then behave in a way that is appropriate for the internal model, but that may be inappropriate to the reality of the present external world."

Advances in Psychiatric Treatment Journal

Source: http://www.autonomouseducation.com/2013/09/home-education-and-socialisation.html

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